Spring Cleaning
by Chellero
Summary: Carter seeks Reese's assistance with some heavy lifting, and it has unexpected consequences.
1. Chapter 1

Joss stood looking disapprovingly at the gray marble-topped makeup vanity along the far wall of her bedroom. It needed to go into the back of her SUV along with the rest of the bags and boxes she was determined to take to Goodwill in the morning. The trouble was, she needed help getting it in there. It was old, well-built like things back in the day were, and heavy as hell—the main reason she'd put off getting rid of it for years.

She sighed. She hated asking for help. Always had, always would. She'd missed Paul earlier when he came to pick Taylor up for the weekend, and didn't want to call and have him turn around and come back just to help her with this. She considered her other options. She could ask John. If he wasn't busy doing whatever it was he did. He always asked for her help, didn't he? Didn't have a problem with it either so why should she? And she knew he'd help—come running even—if he could. There was a reason for that she knew but she never dwelled on it.

Fusco would have been a possibility if this wasn't his weekend with his son. She knew her partner would help without hesitating as well but she truly didn't want to bother him and Lee. She could ask her neighbor, Ron. His car was in his driveway. Almost immediately, her face contorted in displeasure. Nah. He liked her and was always trying to get her to go out with him, and she didn't feel like being indebted to him in any way, shape, or form. Her thoughts wandered back to John. He liked her, too. Difference was the feeling was mutual. But they were in a comfortable stage now, a limbo that suited their purposes, their lifestyles. There was no chance of complications. Neither of them would go there. Unspoken mutual agreement and all that.

Their flirting was like safe sex. They'd trade barbs, get their licks in so to speak until they were each satisfied. Then go about their business. No risk of pregnancy, further emotional attachment.

She could just conveniently ignore how it was so consuming it was putting her love life on perpetual hold.

Sighing, she grabbed her cell phone from her dresser and sent him a text. _Are you busy?_ Tossing the phone on the bed, she left the bedroom and went down the hall to the linen closet. There were some items she wanted to get rid of in there, too. Two minutes later her phone rang.

* * *

Reese followed Carter into her bedroom.

"This thing right here." Carter stopped in front of the makeup vanity.

Reese nodded and looked around. "Was there a chair with it?"

"Yeah, it's already in the car. I just need to get this." She tapped the top of the vanity for emphasis.

"Okay." He started to remove his suit jacket when the doorbell rang.

Joss sighed. Her day just refused to stop being hectic. She couldn't wait until her head hit the pillow tonight and it was finally over. "I'll be back."

Nodding, Reese watched her leave the room, tossed his jacket on the foot of her bed, and then moved over to the vanity to size it up. He lifted one end to slide it away from the wall and decided Carter was not kidding when she said it was heavy as all hell. He uncuffed his sleeves and rolled them up. This was going to take a little effort.

He moved to the other side of the vanity to slide it out from the wall. Getting into position, he accidentally bumped a box that was propped on the edge of the adjacent dresser and heard a few things hit the carpet. Wanting to quickly gather them up, he turned and squatted. It looked like some paperwork and…old polaroids. He scooped them up and it took him a very long time to process what he was seeing. And once he did, he couldn't look away. There were only about five of them—that fell onto the floor anyway—and he was transfixed. They were of Joss. She was younger—the presence of polaroid pictures gave that much away—her face was brighter, playful, seductive. And she was totally naked. He didn't notice until he swallowed that his throat had become bone dry, that he was having an understandable yet extremely poorly timed physical reaction below his waist.

As he shuffled the photos, he knew he shouldn't be doing this. He wasn't supposed to be seeing these. They were private, personal. But he was enthralled. She was absolutely stunning and he couldn't want her more. And while he couldn't imagine the Joss Carter he knew now taking homemade nude photos, he wished he could.

"It was the Girl Scouts. I _had_ to order some Tagalongs—" Joss stopped somewhere in the middle of her bedroom floor when she realized what she was seeing.

John stood, caught. Embarrassed that he was caught but not nearly as embarrassed as she looked at that moment. "I...accidentally knocked them over." He looked toward the culprit box. "I was—"

Carter shook her head quickly and swallowed, cutting him off. "Sorry." She didn't look at him. Couldn't. Instead, her eyes zeroed in on the pictures in his hands and she marched over to them. "They were supposed to be—I was getting rid of them and I just…" She took them from his hands and placed them face down on the dresser. It had been a long damn while since the last time she desperately wanted to press rewind on her life and do it over. She had forgotten about those pictures until she started her spring cleaning. Paul had taken them not long after she'd gotten pregnant with Taylor. They were young, happy, in love, in lust… And John Freaking Reese was not supposed to see them.

She wanted to tell him to forget it, that she'd get the stupid damn piece of furniture into her car later. She wanted to kick him out of her bedroom, her house. She wanted to be swallowed up into a conveniently formed hole in the ground. She worked with John. They had an illegal but professional relationship where boundaries were pointedly created and maintained. And now he'd seen her naked. Seen _everything_. She was not being shy in those pictures. Those pictures that weren't to be seen by anyone but her and her husband. Those pictures she'd forgotten about that she should have gotten rid of the moment she found them again. What must John be thinking of her right now? She didn't do things like that anymore. Life had made her a lot less carefree and, honestly, a little uptight. Why had she left him alone in her room? Why did she just _have_ to order some Tagalongs instead of quickly sending the little trooper away?

John wanted to say something. He wanted to tell her it was okay, that he was sorry he'd found them, gawked at them knowing they weren't for his eyes. That she had nothing to be embarrassed about because she was damn beautiful then and still was. But she wasn't meeting his eyes and he felt that would only make her feel worse. He watched as she settled on one side of the vanity.

"Ready?"

He went to the opposite side. "You sure you don't want me to get your neighbor to help me with this? I don't want you to hurt your back."

_Deal with Ron on top of all this? Hell no. _Although, if someone unwanted _had_ to see them, she guessed Ron would have been worse. Much worse. A tiny sliver of silver lining? Still, she was mortified. And wanted to get this over with so she could stew over it all night by herself. "No, I got it. I'll let you know if I need to stop."

Though he'd much rather put Ron to work, he didn't want to agitate her any further. And she _was_ strong for such a small person. "Okay, ready?" He watched her nod, still not meeting his eyes, and he felt like shit.

They struggled out of her room and down the short length of the hallway until they reached the top of the stairs before setting the vanity down.

"Okay, let's take a break." He looked down the stairs and back toward her.

"Yeah." Carter took several moments to catch her breath. They had barely lifted it from the floor the entire way, but it was so damn heavy she was out of breath and sweating already. She was sure he would have preferred to carry it a bit higher due to his height but was grateful he had matched her comfort level.

He ran his hand over the top of the vanity and decided to make conversation. The air was still awkward. "So, why are you getting rid of this? It's well-made…."

She shrugged. "I don't use it and I've had it forever. It's just taking up space now, and I figured someone else could use it. Been wanting to get rid of it for years."

He nodded. "Was it a gift?"

"From Paul's mother." _Paul…naked pictures… _God, would she ever look back on this one day and laugh? "Ready?" She wasn't but she wanted to get moving.

Making sure he was going down first, John took the brunt of the weight as they slowly made their way down, Joss not feeling like she had a good grip on it at the awkward angle and feeling bad that he was doing all the work. It showed, too. He was grunting and turning red from the effort. They'd made it about three-quarters of the way down the stairs before he stopped.

"Okay, give me a minute." His breath came out in pants and he felt the sweat breaking out on his forehead and on his chest. Damn, this was a heavy piece of furniture. "You sure you wanna get rid of this, Carter?" He heard her laugh, glad for the sound.

"Well, we're halfway there now, John."

He turned and looked toward the front door. "Not really. Still gotta get down the steps outside and into the car. Damn thing is heavy."

"Hey, I warned you."

"You said it was heavy. Not _heavy_."

She looked down and smiled uncomfortably. Now she really felt bad on top of the humiliation.

"Okay, ready?" he asked after a few more seconds.

"Yeah." She did what little she could and they soon made their way to the bottom of the stairs, Reese breathing heavily again as they set it down.

"You know what, Carter? I think we're even now."

She met his eyes and raised her eyebrow, noting the humor in his voice. "Oh, you got a ways to go before we're even, John."

He looked at her and a smirk found its way to his face. She actually smiled a little and was meeting his eyes. Progress.

Ten minutes later, Reese let out a huff and rested his hand on the open trunk door. They had gotten it inside the car without any bloodshed, although Reese wasn't sure he hadn't sprained his entire back. "Is somebody going to help you get it out?"

Joss nodded. "Yeah, they've got people who do that. Thank god."

Reese nodded in agreement before looking back toward the house. "Need me to help you get those other boxes?" He turned back toward her.

"No, I can get 'em. That's okay."

"That's a lot of boxes, Carter. I'm here."

"No, I got it. I'm not finished packing all of them anyway."

He stood staring at her. She was itching for him to leave, he could tell. Only keeping eye contact with him fleetingly. Her being uncomfortable around him wasn't sitting well. He could probably just leave now, knowing the awkwardness would fade in time, like all things. But he did see her completely naked. And, right or wrong, the images were seared in his brain for the rest of his days, however many of them he had left. Yes they were from years ago but he knew she was feeling exposed, vulnerable, probably even violated, and it wasn't an easy thing for her to handle. He felt he had to give her something.

He raised his other hand to the trunk door and she moved out of the way as he closed it. He chose his words carefully. "I know I wasn't supposed to see those pictures, Joss, but... You were beautiful. You still are." He saw her take in a deep breath as she looked down at her feet. He couldn't help it and reached out to tilt her chin up so he could see her eyes. "I shouldn't have looked. I'm sorry." He thought for a few seconds before deciding to voice the rest of his thoughts. "I just...couldn't help myself." He dropped his hand to his side.

She sighed and shook her head as if clearing her thoughts. "Sorry, John. I'm just…completely embarrassed."

"I know. Stop." He smiled softly.

She returned his smile and snorted softly. "It's that easy? _I_ didn't see _you_ naked."

He did a _that's true_ nod of his head. "You probably would have pointed and laughed."

A tiny laugh escaped her and she shook her head to herself, sighing softly. "I knew those damn things were gonna get me in trouble one day. Should've just thrown them in the trash the minute I found them."

He felt comfortable enough with where they were now to say what he wanted to say. "Well, if you're just gonna throw them away, I can keep them." He chuckled as he watched her drop her jaw in mock shock and punch him in the shoulder before walking back toward the house.

"See, I was gonna thank you for helping me with that vanity but you just lost out on that."

"I was kidding." He wasn't kidding. He followed her, his face a mask of innocence.

"Uh huh."

They entered the house and he shut the door.

A few minutes later, they stood in her kitchen drinking water and cooling off from the exertion.

Setting her glass on the counter, Joss headed toward the stairs. "Your jacket's upstairs, right? I'll go get it." Her heart skipped a beat when she sensed him quietly following her. She felt extreme nervousness closing in on her and she couldn't quite pinpoint why. Maybe it was returning to the scene of the crime with him. Or the impending maleness of him in her bedroom coupled with her errant feelings for him.

Or perhaps it was the simple fact that he was joining her in her bedroom without a legitimate reason this time and she was feeling some kind of way right now, still embarrassed but loving him a little bit more for trying to make her laugh and feel better about the situation.

She entered her room and headed toward his jacket at the foot of her bed. "Looks weird in here without it." She glanced at the spot along the wall that had been recently vacated before picking up his suit jacket and handing it to him as he stood in front of her.

"Thanks." He held the jacket in his hand down at his side and looked at her.

She watched him back, curiously. His eyes looked like they were searching for something. She squinted and turned her head slightly. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're still uncomfortable around me."

_No shit, Sherlock_ was on the tip of her tongue but she held it. She was and it wasn't just because of what he saw. She started walking toward the door. "John, it's fine. But you're not helping when you keep bringing it up." She turned back toward him when she noticed he wasn't following her.

John was a reckless man, took chances on a regular basis. It came with the territory and, hell, he enjoyed it. He was good at it. Except when it came to his relationship with Carter. He couldn't be reckless with it. He couldn't risk it. It kept her in his life. But his nature was being denied. They were in a holding pattern he was finding it difficult to maintain. She ignited desires in him he was increasingly having trouble extinguishing before they burned him.

He tossed his jacket back onto the foot of her bed after he'd made his decision. It was reckless. It was risky. But it was what he did and it would serve two very specific purposes. "I'm only doing this for you." His hands went to the buttons of his white shirt.

Her eyes widened momentarily before she got control of them. What the hell was happening? What was going on? What was he doing? "What are you doing?"

"Leveling the playing field."

"John." That was it. That was all she could say. His name. Was she imagining this? Was her heart pounding and her ears ringing a part of this strangely realistic hallucination? Her eyes followed his shirt as it was tossed on top of his jacket. _He is really doing this. This is not a dream._

She shouldn't be seeing this. He shouldn't be doing this. She wanted to see this. But he shouldn't be doing this. "John, stop. You don't need to do this." _Turn around and leave, girl. Just go. He is out of his mind._

"I know." His undershirt met the rest of his clothing on the bed.

_Oh my god. Why is he doing this to me?_ She turned away from him, shaking her head. But her damn legs didn't carry her out the room like they were supposed to. "You're crazy."

"I know."

She heard his belt buckle being undone and the sound of the zipper. _Oh my god, he's serious._ "John, I'm serious. What are you doing? Come on." She needed to leave but she desperately wanted to look. It was right there. And that was his point, wasn't it? For her to see him? So they could be even? This wasn't fair, though. He wasn't playing fair. This was live-action, not an old photo. How were they supposed to maintain their agreement, their fragile limbo, like this? But, dammit, he was right there. And she'd always wanted to know what was underneath those suits. They fit him so well, the foundation had to be impeccable. She shook her head, anger at him and the entire situation populating her emotional space along with the embarrassment, curiosity, and pure lust.

"Joss."

She knew he was naked now. She looked up at the ceiling and sighed. It was just like him to do something impulsive like this. Upset the order in her life. Force her to confront her attraction to him. She hated him so much right now.

"Turn around."

She sensed him approaching and it forced her to turn around lest he get too close. She was too nervous and agitated to school her features, however. The whole thing was so surreal, there _was_ no preparation for something like this. She had meant to keep her eyes on his face but they drifted down the length of him briefly before going back up. He was hard in many places, soft in some. Thin, but she knew that was misleading; he was likely the strongest man she'd ever met. Her eyes lowered again and she saw the sinews of muscles in his calves, his thighs. She looked between them and saw that he got his cockiness and swagger honestly. Her mouth went dry while the interested part between her own thighs got wet.

He had stopped momentarily, to let her take a look she presumed. But then he continued to advance on her and she was suddenly struck by the thought that there was a trained assassin closing in on her. And her legs finally moved her body. He was sexy, intense, dangerous. Predatory. She was never scared of him but she was scared of him. Hazard lights flashed in her mind. Danger was present and it was time for evasive measures. Her ears were ringing so loudly she could hardly think. She backed away but John pulled a bastard move and pulled her body loosely against his with one arm while closing her bedroom door with the other before she could walk out. He let her go and she practically fell back against the door. Defeated.

"Thank you."

Carter blinked, unsure of what he meant. His voice was light, teasing. The look in his eyes, too. It relaxed her a bit, as did the couple of feet he left between them. "For what?" Her voice croaked. She needed water in a bad way.

He smirked before he answered her. "For not pointing and laughing."

She would have laughed had she not still been reeling. She looked down at him. Because it was still…right there…

She shook her head at it. "Nothing to laugh at, John." She brought her eyes back up to his face as he stepped forward and took those two feet from her.

"I didn't see anything to laugh at either."

She calculated things in her mind as quickly as her frazzled brain would allow. He was so attractive. Brutally attractive. And he was giving his body, himself, to her. She couldn't deny that she wanted him. Wanted to feel him wrapped around her, inside her. At least once. She could imagine how good it would be. How hard he would try to please her in the sheets like he had in the streets from the moment he'd met her. How damn hard he would be period...

He was so close, his breath warm on her face, his eyes chasing hers as she watched him. She could let go, couldn't she? Just once? It was probably inevitable anyway. If not now, some other time down the line. So she raised herself onto her tiptoes, pulled his head toward hers, shut down her thoughts, broke their unspoken mutual agreement, and kissed him.

John wasted no time bringing her up to his height, wrapping his large hands around her hips and lifting until she wrapped her legs around his waist. They fell back against the door and he let out a groan when he finally got to taste her tongue.

Her pants and soft mewls drove him straight to the edge, so quickly he was caught off guard. He didn't let it break his rhythm, however, and he carried her to her bed, settling onto his knees and moving them until he could place her on her back in the center of it. He hastily relieved her of her pants, bringing her panties down along with them, and tossed them onto the floor. She sat up and lifted her shirt over her head. He watched, resting on his haunches as she removed her bra, then pounced on her as soon as she was naked.

Warm, wet kisses, frenzied touching, and heavy moaning littered their ride to ecstasy. By the time he slowly entered her, he was frantic with need. "_Joss._" He ground out her name between clenched teeth and she hissed and shuddered as he filled her in every dimension. They made love furiously, neither of them wanting the ride to end, the cost of admission having been high. But, eventually, it had to, and they left the earth scorched in their wake.

"Shit!" John couldn't stop the expletive from escaping his mouth as his body was pummeled by aftershocks.

"Oh god. Oh my god…" Joss pounded her fists into the mattress, struggling to breathe with the large mass sprawled on top of her as her body shook from the release.

John used the first modicum of strength that returned to him to lift himself off her and plop onto his back beside her. He typically recovered from strenuous activity quickly, lives tending to depend on it, but he let himself come down from this high slowly.

After a few minutes, their breathing evened out and the room stopped spinning.

Joss ran her hands down her face and sighed explosively. "I can't believe we just did that."

He could. And he was confident he put it down well enough that she wouldn't regret it, and would quite possibly come back for more.

She sat up next to him, turning to look down at him. _Hmpf_. Suddenly she wasn't all that embarrassed about the pictures anymore. She watched as he folded his hands behind his head and one side of his mouth curled up in a smirk. She couldn't help but smirk back at him. They may have just had unpremeditated sex that likely just changed everything, but he was still John.

"I'm pretty sure we needed that, Carter."

_Yeah, but at what cost?_ she wanted to ask. She didn't.

He quickly sat up next to her, his arms outstretched behind him anchoring him. He looked over her face, knowing her detective's mind was going over all the possible ways this interlude could end. "I don't think this is the end of the world, Joss." He spoke softly, seriously.

"How do you know that?"

He looked around them. "See anything happening?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and resisted popping him in the shoulder. Instead she shook her head at him and smirked again. Then she faced forward and let out a sigh, trying to allow his nonchalance to rub off on her. Trying. She put her head in her hands as she hunched forward and groaned. "I gotta go and get that Plan B pill." She lifted her head and placed it on top of her teepeed fingers. "I haven't been on anything in three years…" She sighed again. This was just great. Old as she was, having to go to the pharmacy for some emergency contraceptive due to being completely irresponsible. She put her head back in her hands and shook it. "I just don't do things like this, John."

He reached out and stroked her bare back, trying to be comforting. Sure, he was a bit reckless when it came to his work, but not when it came to sex. At least not since he had reached adulthood. This was definitely a first but he wasn't worried. "I could get it for you."

She shook her head and took it out of her hands. "No, that's okay. But thanks." She looked at him and smiled faintly.

He stopped rubbing her back and put his arm around her shoulder to pull her against him. "I'm usually not this irresponsible either, Joss, but it's okay. I don't have anything and we'll get that pill and that's two less things you have to worry about." He kissed the top of her head.

"I don't have anything either." She felt it working. His calm imprinting on her. She felt him rub up and down her arm and kiss her head again in response. No STDs and likely no babies from her lapse in judgment. That was good. That was something. She couldn't help it, though, and her mind wandered just a little, seeing an image of John with a baby. She indulged in it briefly before forcing it away.

"Although...If I were having a child, no one else I'd rather be having one with."

She knew he felt her stiffen but he didn't say anything. She didn't either. Didn't know what to say to that. He spared her from having to respond when he took his arm from around her and reached for his clothes at the end of her bed.

He pulled his clothes into his lap and searched for his undershirt. "I better get going." He turned to her as he put the shirt on. "Sure you don't want me to help with the rest of those boxes?"

Joss scooted forward until she was able to climb off the bed. "You are determined to get a box into my car for me, aren't you?" She located her panties on the floor tucked into her pants and slipped them on.

He shrugged. "I just want to help. And I never know if you really don't need it or you just don't want to ask. I'm surprised you texted me in the first place."

She skipped her bra and just put her shirt on. "I know." She slipped her pants on next.

White shirt on and buttoned, Reese climbed off the bed and put his underwear on.

"I'm working on that. I'll think twice about asking you again, though," she teased. Put back together somewhat, she put her hands on her hips and watched as he put his pants back on. Wanting to be helpful, she reached around him and handed him his jacket again after he finished buckling his belt. He reached out to take it and they exchanged knowing smirks.

So much. There was so much he decided to leave unsaid for now. It had been a heavy enough evening already and it was barely eight o'clock. He could tell she was thinking the same thing. That they could leave things as they were. For now.

"The boxes, Carter?"

She let out a huff and almost rolled her eyes. "Yes, John. Will you help me with a few of these boxes?" She looked around her room. "Not all of them are ready to go yet, though."

"Yes, I will. Gladly." He smiled a genuine smile then.

Fifteen minutes later, John closed the back passenger door of Joss's SUV before turning to face her.

"That's it. I'm not ready for the rest of them to go yet." Joss stood with her hands on her hips again, preparing herself for the awkward goodbye. "Thanks for the help," _you forced on me_, she wanted to add. Her gratitude was genuine, though, and it showed on her face. It felt good to have someone in her life she could rely on. Just in case. She still didn't know why he chose her, out of all the cops in New York City. But she had to admit she was glad that he did. Where it was going to go from here, though, she wasn't sure she would be glad about. She already knew she'd never be able to resist him, so she'd have to deal.

"You're welcome." John put his hands in his pockets. "When are you going to the pharmacy?" He watched as she checked her watch.

"Now. They're still open." She looked back up at him. "Sooner the better."

Reese nodded toward her house. "Go get a jacket. I'll take you."

And he did.

She smiled to herself as they pulled back into her driveway. He'd taken her to the drugstore, waited in the pharmacy line with her, and stood by her side while she got what she needed. Maybe she shouldn't have been impressed—she hadn't gotten into this situation on her own—but she was. That was John. He'd told her long ago she wasn't alone, and he meant that to his core.

He put the car in park and opened his door before she could tell him goodnight. So she opened hers, grabbed her purse and the drugstore bag, and got out. She met him at the front of his car and they headed toward the foot of her concrete steps.

"I was going to come around and get the door for you, Carter."

"Since when do you get the door for me?"

He thought about it for a second. "Okay, so I need to do better."

She got her front door open and stepped inside, hitting the light switch. He stayed just outside the door and she turned to him. "Interesting night."

He tilted his head to the side briefly. "A first. That's saying something for me."

She snickered a bit before sobering. "Thanks, John."

He smiled. "You know, there's this restaurant in Manhattan. The Carlyle. I've been meaning to check it out." He shrugged his shoulder, rested his hand on the doorframe, and leaned toward her. "Was hoping a certain, incredibly beautiful detective would go with me." He watched the shy smile spread across her face as she looked down. This side of her. He loved it and he was going to bring it out more often.

She looked up. "Do I ever tell you no?"

He thought for a moment before a wide grin took over his features. "It's a date, then."

She laughed. "Goodnight, John."

He leaned in some more until his lips were touching hers. It was short and sweet and purposely meant to not cause any more trouble. "I'll check on you in the morning."

She nodded, grateful as hell her son wasn't due back until Sunday so she could deal with the pill's side effects on her own.

"Goodnight."

She watched him get back into his car and pull out of her driveway. "Bye, John." She watched his car until it was out of sight.

Not so awkward at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Story was complete but this just came to me. For wolfmusic218. :)**

It made very little sense at this point, but Joss was nervous. She forced a smile at John before turning away from him to lock her front door on her way out, and told herself to take a deep breath and get it together. She'd been anxious all damn day, and last night, too, if she were honest. This was nowhere near her first date, but it was her first one with the special case that was John Reese. A man who'd gone from being an arrest conquest to someone who'd somehow become a secret, but dear friend. And then, in a blink, a friend with extraordinary benefits that she'd experienced once and hadn't been able to get out of her mind since.

John quietly stepped aside as she locked the door. Though the spring days were beginning to get longer, it was already dark, and he couldn't quite make out what she was wearing. Her legs were bare, though, and it excited him that she was wearing a dress. He'd never seen her in one. He'd seen her naked, yes, but never in a dress. He smiled to himself in remembrance and followed her down the concrete steps. She was in heels, too. Something else he'd never seen in person. She also….hadn't said anything yet. "Have a good day, Carter?"

"Mmhmm."

His longer strides put him in front of her as they reached his car in her driveway. "Hungry?"

"A little." She honestly couldn't tell if she was hungry or not because her nerves were so bad.

"Have a big lunch?"

She shook her head. "Mm mm."

John opened the passenger side door for her and held it as she seated herself, trying not to let her clipped answers bother him.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Closing the door, he rounded the vehicle and settled himself into the driver's seat.

A minute into the drive, he turned to her briefly. "It's a French restaurant. I remember you saying you wanted to try one one day."

"Yeah, I do."

"Taylor at work?"

"Yep."

"Off at midnight again?"

"Mmhmm."

Reese nodded and focused on the road. He felt the bolts of tension tightening within the car and it wasn't the kind he preferred. In his peripheral vision, he saw her rummage through the small purse she'd brought. The soft, mellow classic rock playing on the radio did little to assuage her growing frustration as she looked for something she clearly wasn't finding. "Everything okay?"

Carter sighed explosively as she angrily closed her clutch and lifted her head. "No. I left my damn lipstick on the bathroom counter, probably after I knocked over my perfume and spilled it all over the floor." She sighed again, closing her eyes and trying to calm down. "I'm nervous, John. Okay? This is weird." She turned to him. "Isn't this weird to you?"

He shrugged, splitting his attention between the road and her, relieved that he now knew what was bothering her. "It's different. But not necessarily in a bad way."

She didn't say anything so he continued.

"It's still me, Carter. Same pain in the ass you want to shoot from time to time."

"All the time."

"All the time," he corrected and smiled, grateful to hear her soft laugh next to him.

It felt good to laugh a little and Carter felt her jitters wane as she exhaled measuredly.

"We can do this another time, if you want."

She shook her head as she looked out the side window. "No, I got all dressed up for you. And I'm embarrassed about how long it took, so we're gonna do this."

"Good. Took me awhile, too."

She looked at him and her expression softened. Just as he'd done when he found her pictures, he was saying and doing what he could to make her feel better. To make her feel like she wasn't in this thing alone. If she'd never seen how violent and deadly he could be firsthand, she'd have a hard time believing it.

She was brought out of her musings when he made a U-turn.

He glanced at her again. "We're not that far yet. I want you to get what you need. There's no rush."

* * *

Forty minutes later, lipstick in hand and back to feeling like the brave cop she knew she was, Joss sat across from John at The Carlyle restaurant. Google had told her the place was high end, so she had dressed accordingly. Black, spaghetti strapped dress that cut off just above her knees, rose gold and black sandal stilettos, and rose gold jewelry. John, for his part, wore all black and looked indelible, the combination of his height, strength, and swagger making him ooze sex appeal. Considering how close they'd already gotten, she didn't hold back and told him just how good he looked, making him blush just as he'd made her moments before when he told her how beautiful she looked.

It was just a fact at that point, she thought: they looked damn good together.

They spent ten minutes going over the menu before the waiter took their order and the space for conversation opened up.

Reese cocked his head and studied her for a few seconds. She seemed to be back to her normal self, but now he was starting to feel it. How exceptional all this was. He'd felt calm and collected when he picked her up, but the current ambiance threatened his composure. He'd reserved one of the best tables in the restaurant, and the warm tones of the place—from the seating to the floors to the accents on the walls—all harmonized to create an unadulterated romantic atmosphere. And with the lighting, with the way she looked under its soft treatment, he was strongly taken aback as the reality hit him. He was actually on a date with this beautiful woman. With Joss Carter. With _Carter_. They had actually made it to this point. He was sure he didn't deserve his good fortune, but he wouldn't trade it for anything.

Carter looked around the restaurant's interior. "This is a really nice place. How'd you hear about it?"

Reese took a sip of his wine. "Read about it in the paper actually. Went online, saw it had good reviews." He set his glass down and smiled at her. "Just needed someone special to bring with me." He knew it probably wasn't right of him, but he thoroughly enjoyed seeing her blush, just like she was doing now.

"Stop."

"What?"

"Making it weird."

"Joss."

"What?"

He lowered his voice even though no one was within earshot. "Did you forget what we've already done?" He smirked. "The weird part is over."

Her cheeks felt hot. Hell no she hadn't forgotten. And, yes, that should have been the weird part. But it had been so spontaneous, there hadn't been time for nervous anticipation. It was just… over and done. Incredible. But over and done. And now they were dealing with the important stuff, the real things that mattered. Fucking was easy; more was not. More with John absolutely was not.

She decided to change the subject. No sense in getting too heavy before the food even arrived. And she'd never quite gotten the chance to ask if what he'd told her last year under duress was true. She knew some of it—like the story about the first person he'd ever killed—was, but some of it she wasn't so sure about. Ignoring etiquette, she put her elbow on the table and placed her chin on her fist, a smile cresting on her lips. "So, was your dad career army?"

John smiled lazily and sat back in his chair. His left hand rested at the base of his wine glass and he relaxed as he realized what she was doing. Welcomed it. The setting was different, as were the circumstances, but in that small interrogation room, he'd never felt closer to her. "Yes."

"Conrad?"

"Yes."

"What was your mom's name?"

"Laura."

"You grew up on a farm?"

"Outside of Sumner, Washington."

She nodded and sat back in her seat. "I saw your military file, John, before I shredded it." She watched him carefully. She didn't expect anger, but she wondered how he felt about some of his past life being revealed without his consent.

"I wanted you to work with us for a reason, Joss, besides the fact that you were beautiful inside and out." She was curious and smart, but he was no idiot. She'd found out about Jessica, Peter, and New Rochelle. So, of course she knew who he was before he became Reese.

She did a good job of hiding her blush this time. "Stop it." She ignored his answering smirk and quickly continued. "Any siblings?"

"None."

"Ever been married?"

"No."

"Live with anyone?" She was walking into it, she knew she was, but for some reason she could not stop herself. He'd almost tripped her up with his answer during that interrogation, and she had never been more grateful that her back was to Donnelly and the camera was squarely on John.

He leaned forward and stared at her, that obnoxious smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes. "Why, Joss? Are you interested?"

She stared back, trying to decide how to answer that question. Since she was fool enough to walk right into it, she should have been prepared. Quickly debating how she should answer, she was granted a reprieve when the waiter arrived with their immaculately plated appetizers and their attentions were temporarily diverted toward the food.

After savoring several bites, John looked up at her, wondering if he should let her off the hook.

"This is good."

He kept his eyes on her. "It is."

Knowing he wanted an answer, she sighed. "I don't know, John. I've never done it before. I was married the only time I lived with a man." She shrugged. "Call me old-fashioned."

He nodded once, filing that information away. "Next question, Carter." He took another bite of his cured foie gras.

"Can you tell me how you got burned?"

He gave her the succinct version for now. "It was a mission in Ordos to retrieve a stolen laptop. Snow ordered me to kill Kara after we secured it; she got orders to kill me. Then they dropped bombs on us to make sure we were retired." He shrugged. "It's how they do business."

"So they considered you compromised by what they sent you to do."

He nodded.

Carter shook her head at their audacity. She knew there was more to the story, and it had everything to do with why his former partner strapped him and Snow to bombs, but he'd never been forthcoming about that incident and she didn't want to push him now.

She swallowed a bite of her salad. "I still feel bad that I led him to you."

"Don't."

She almost rolled her eyes. It reminded her of how he'd told her to stop being embarrassed after he'd found her pictures. Like it was that easy. Instead, she smirked and shook her head at him before taking another bite.

"I'm serious. Don't."

He looked serious alright. And it made her swallow her food before she was ready. Uncomfortable under his fierce gaze, she steered the conversation in a lighter direction. "Last question. For now." She watched him sit back and relax once more. "Where the hell do you live?"

* * *

"Oh no!" Joss laughed heartily while John's shoulders shook from his own mirth, eyes sparkling. "What happened?"

"I got back up and acted like nothing happened." He continued to laugh in his low, quiet manner.

"Oh no. Ass out and everything?"

He nodded in the affirmative. "And everything."

"I don't think I could have ever shown my face there again!" Joss's stomach started to hurt from all the laughing she was doing. "You know what, though? I fell like that at my wedding. I mean, of all times to fall. I had to walk up the little church steps up at the altar—I was nervous and had this ridiculous train—and don't you know I tripped _up_ the steps?" She had tears starting to form from laughing so hard.

"Noo."

"Yes! I was so embarrassed. Paul saved the moment, though. He helped me up—it was so quiet I remember—and told everybody that he tripped and fell flat on his face on our first date so we had come full circle."

Starting to curb his laughter, John asked, "Did he actually fall on your first date?"

She nodded. "He actually did."

John laughed again. "And to think we all ended up in the military."

"I know, right? We were good at hiding the klutz I guess."

Their dinner long gone and dessert half-eaten, they'd talked about where John lived, the worst place he'd ever stayed, the worst place she'd ever lived, the most exotic foods they'd ever eaten, and had somehow gotten around to the topic of most embarrassing moment.

Reese was enjoying himself, as he knew he would with her, but he decided to take the opening and learn more about her. She knew about Jessica and him; he didn't know about Paul and her. "What happened with you and Paul?" She sighed and for a moment, he regretted asking the question.

"PTSD he wouldn't deal with. It stopped being safe for Taylor and me so we had to leave him." She sighed again. "We were just separated for a while. I kept waiting for him to get help. If not for me, for Taylor. Didn't want a divorce. Didn't want that failure. Next thing you know, time went by—a couple years—and I got used to not having a husband. Just having my mom help me. So it was easier to let go.

"He's better now which is good for Taylor. Too much water under the bridge for him and me, though."

"Did he ever hurt you?"

"No, never."

"Ever want more kids?" He saw a twinge of regret in her eyes before they fell to the table.

"Yeah, but I let my career take over because I thought I had time." She shrugged. "Then I lost my husband." She saw him nod in understanding and she continued. "I didn't want Tay to be an only child. When his parents got old and started needing help, I didn't want him to have to deal with it on his own." She smiled. "Plus, I always thought an only child would grow up to be spoiled to death. Always have to have his own way and not be able to compromise."

He blinked innocently at her. "I turned out okay."

She laughed. "I don't know about that." She took another sip of her wine. "I think Taylor's turning out okay, though."

Reese nodded. "I think so, too."

"Thanks."

Quiet draped their table and they stared at one another.

With the good wine she'd imbibed, along with her nervousness having completely left the building, Joss had no trouble meeting the intensity of his stare. "You have really beautiful eyes. I like how they change and I can't even tell what color they are sometimes."

He blushed and tried to hide it by turning her word back on her. "Stop."

"You didn't. So I won't either."

He shrugged. "Guess we both have to get used to it then."

She didn't say anything, just continued to watch him.

He glanced down at the table before looking back into her eyes. "So, what do you want to do?"

She withheld her sigh, having known it was coming. And that, of course, he would put the decision in her lap. "What do you want to do?"

John watched her for several seconds, deciding to let her deflect. "I want you to be mine."

She didn't know if she'd caught her gulp in time. He was so direct lately. Stripping out of his clothes before they ended up having sex. Asking her for a date. Telling her not to argue, that he was going to be there for her, when he came back the following day after she'd taken the emergency contraception. Now this.

He watched the worry crease her brow.

"How?"

Instead of answering, he repeated his question. "What do you want?"

She looked down at her wine glass and thought about her answer. The true one and the one she was going to tell him. She weighed the potential outcomes of each and went with the truth. "I want what I can't have."

"What's that?"

"This. With a man I'm not supposed to be arresting. Who isn't legally dead."

He nodded and looked down at her wine glass, trying to keep his expression neutral. "Do we ever always get exactly what we want?"

She accepted his point with a nod. "What would you do? If you were me?" She watched him, feeling worse by the second as his whole demeanor fell, eyes got distant, Adam's apple bobbed. As she watched him regret so many decisions made in his life.

John wanted to lie. He wanted to lie badly. After all, he was good at it. He wanted to lie so he could be hers. So he could call her his lady. Lay his head on the pillow next to hers at night, be the shoulder she leaned on, be her partner in everything, big or small. But how could he lie to her?

He could barely get his voice to work. "I'd run away. As fast as I could."

Disrupting the suddenly solemn mood, the waiter brought the bill, telling them to take their time and he'd be back to check on them in a few.

Carter expressed something between a grimace and a sad smile as reality crashed down all around them. "I just had to ask for your help last weekend, didn't I?"

John pushed his pain back into one of his many pain compartments and gave a better imitation of a smile. "I'll always be glad you did."

She acknowledged his efforts and forced a brighter smile. "Me too. It was good."

He smirked, the way he always did, and she started to feel better.

"A little better than good, Carter."

Her smile turned genuine then, accompanied by a blush. It was way better than good, but he'd put in ninety percent of the work. The competitive side of her wanted a rematch to save face, and the rest of her wanted one because it was just that good. But if it was unwise for them to go any further in their relationship, it would be unwise to have sex again. She already knew she wasn't one of those women who could separate her emotions from the physical.

Knowing their time was winding down, she spoke softly. "Thank you for dinner, John."

"Thank you for coming with me." He reached into his back pocket for his wallet. Taking out his credit card and placing it in the check holder, he added, "We can always do it again sometime."

She looked around the elegant room and nodded. "Yeah, we can. You know how to show a girl a good time."

"I try."

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

In the stall, Joss finished her business and closed her eyes. She'd needed a break, a few minutes to regroup. He was acting like it was perfectly okay for them to leave things the way they were, and so was she. They were both lying, and she wasn't always so good at it, so she'd had to excuse herself so she could keep up the charade.

Back at the table, John nodded at the waiter who took his credit card, and let his eyes drop to his plate. Joss wasn't the best liar, unlike himself. She felt something for him, and it had only grown since they'd slept together, just as it had with him. There was just something about her he wasn't going to be able to get past. Something he wasn't going to be able to stop being attracted to. Her heart had saved him, her mind kept him engaged, and her beauty, her sexiness, kept him hungry. But it was a no-win situation. Either way they went, relationship or no relationship, they were going to lose. He sighed and resigned himself to things being the way they'd been before: in limbo. And, since he'd had the fortune or misfortune of having her once, even more tortuous limbo.

When the waiter returned with his card, bidding him and his missing date a good night, Reese wrote in a tip and signed the receipt. He plastered a smile on his face when Carter came back to the table and excused himself to go to the men's room. A few minutes later, the two of them made their way outside to wait for the valet.

Once they were seated in his car, Carter turned to him. "Can I see where you live? You don't have to take me inside. I just want to see if this mythical place exists."

He didn't do anything but chuckle as he put the car in drive and took off.

"So how long have you lived there?"

"Little over a year now."

She nodded. "What is it? Townhouse? Condo?"

"More of a loft."

"Any decorations at all?"

"Whatever was there when I moved in."

"Figures. What's in it? Just a mattress on the floor and a closet full of suits?" He started to laugh again and she decided to keep teasing him in order to keep that sexy sound coming from his lips. "Oh wait. You definitely have a weapons stash somewhere. Several weapons stashes."

Neither confirming nor denying, John continued to drive with a smile gracing his face.

"And toilet paper. Yeah, probably toilet paper."

His laugh got a little louder this time. "You think I live like a caveman?"

"No, I'm sure you have one of those mini refrigerators, with some beer and a lonely box of baking soda inside. Cavemen didn't have refrigerators."

"Really?" he asked jokingly.

"Really." She snickered and looked out the window. "Anything besides a can of pork 'n beans in the cabinets?"

He tried to act offended. "What is this? Pick on John hour?"

"Aww." She reached out and rubbed his right forearm while giving him her best sympathetic face. "I'll leave you alone now." She punctuated it with a snort when she saw him trying not to laugh in response.

Soon, a comfortable, fizzy silence fell between them.

"One more." Carter started laughing before she even got it out. "There's a bearskin rug on the floor, isn't there?"

John continued his offended routine. "I don't think I want to take you anymore, Carter."

"Oh, come on, you can't do that to me now."

"No, we can just turn around right here and I'll just take—"

"Okay, okay. I'll stop." She sat up straight in her seat and tried to school her features. "Promise." Her giggling betrayed her words. She blamed the wine for making her uncharacteristically giddy, but kept her mouth shut for the remainder of the ride while John beamed on the other side of the car.

* * *

It was another five minutes before they pulled in front of his place. John knew she was only teasing, but he was nervous about showing her where he lived. Or, rather, how he lived. The place was nice and spacious, but it was sparse, bare. There were no personal touches, aside from the weaponry she'd accurately predicted. He didn't want her to think he'd chosen to live this way, that this was what he wanted; it was just how it had worked out.

Joss teased him about only using a hot plate to cook on the way up—and he responded by telling her he would think twice before inviting her out to dinner again—before he finally opened his door and let her inside. Turning the lights on, he tamped down his nerves and followed her to the center of the main room. She didn't say anything for a long while as she looked around.

"This is…..really nice, John. _Really_ nice. I love it. It's beautiful." _Expensive as all hell, too._ She took in his bed, living room area, kitchen. Poked her head in his bathroom to verify the presence of toilet paper.

He laughed out loud after she found his special closet and smirked at him while shaking her head.

Meeting him back in the middle of the room, she stood in front of him. "I see why you been keeping this place close to the vest." She looked around again. "It's actually pretty you. Simple, masculine. Inviting. When you decide to let someone in, that is." She glanced at the night sky through the numerous windows. "Little open, though. I guess your neighbors across the way get a little show from time to time." Her eyes spotted the extra loft upstairs and she took a few steps toward the spiral metal staircase tucked away in the back before turning back to him. "Can I go up?"

He waved her up and watched as she slowly ascended the stairs, letting out a breath. Finch and Maxine Angelis were the only people, outside of the cleaning service, who had seen his place. Finch had picked it out, and John had had little choice but to bring the reporter here. Joss being here, however, was purposeful, felt personal, and he was instantly glad she'd asked to see it.

She was only up there for about a minute before she descended, walking back over to him. He was still rooted to the same spot. "Well, I stand corrected." She found herself giggling again at his exaggerated _I bet you feel real dumb right now_ look. After it subsided, she regarded him with a sincere look of gratitude. He didn't live in a way that enabled him to let people in, so she felt honored that he'd given her a glimpse. "Thanks for letting me see where the man in the suit suits up."

He was beginning to feel bad for not inviting her sooner, but they had had their established zones and had unconsciously stuck to them. "You could have seen it anytime. I guess I just thought you weren't all that interested."

"Oh I was. You owed me a visit here, considering how you couldn't wait for an invitation to my house before you just showed up."

He looked at her skeptically. "You would have invited me?"

"We'll never know now, will we?" The smile she gave him was sly as she sauntered away.

He watched her walk over to his windows, knowing she was saving the view for last. He followed and stood next to her.

"Does this ever get old? I've always wanted a place with a great view, on a secluded beach somewhere, but then I wonder if I'd get so used to it, I'd stop appreciating it."

It took him awhile before he answered. "It feels new right now."

She stood there, appreciating the moment with him. It was such a waste. Her connection with him having to be stifled because of the circumstances. Their new relationship being over before it started. Being so close to something that felt so right and having to let it go. She felt angry. The kind of angry that preceded being bitter. Sighing deeply, she asked, "Ready?" At his tiny nod, she headed toward his front door.

* * *

Reese followed Carter up the steps to her apartment and stood behind her as she unlocked and opened the door.

"Coming in?"

He hesitated because he was ready for the evening to end. He was just being tormented in her presence at this point and he wasn't a big fan of masochism. But since she'd already stepped inside, leaving the door open as she turned on the lights and headed toward the couch, he'd lost his window of opportunity to leave. So, he walked in and closed the door behind him, standing awkwardly in the living room entryway as she peeled off her heels before standing back up.

He had only seconds to wonder why she was coming toward him as quickly and deliberately as she was before he felt her soft hands wrap around his neck, pulling his head down to her level. He stumbled because she had caught him so completely off guard, and dug his fingers into her hips as he grasped her to steady himself. His mouth hotly fusing to hers, the blood rushed south, diminishing his reasoning capabilities and kicking his desire for sex into high gear. He felt her push him until his back hit the wall of the stairwell and let out an involuntary grunt at impact.

Automatically, his hands traveled to her behind, squeezing and releasing and squeezing again as he pulled her against him. "_John,_" he heard her breathe into his mouth, and he pulled her closer. The dress needed to go. It was the lone thought he had before he realized he'd have to let her go for a few seconds to make it happen, and his lower half didn't want any parts of that.

Inadvertently taking his choice away in the matter, Joss put some space between them so that she could loosen the buttons of his shirt, but she sank her tongue into his mouth to compensate. In her haste, she quit halfway and worked on his belt and pants instead.

John tried to pull her dress up over the tautness of her ass so that he could get to her panties, but the dress hugged her tightly and the fabric wouldn't give. When she groped him through his underwear, he yanked at the straps of her dress instead, deciding to go for a top down as opposed to bottom up approach.

"Unzip it," she almost fussed at him, feeling beads of sweat already forming at her lower back before she captured his lips again.

Proficient at following orders, he had her dress pooled at her feet in no time and she had abandoned his hardness to push his jacket from his shoulders.

Like a Mack truck, memories of the last time she'd gotten this hot over John hit her and she pulled her mouth away from his. He chased her lips and she succumbed to kissing him some more before she pushed him back. She breathed heavily. "John." He advanced once more and, again, she pushed him away. "John. Do you have anything? Protection?" A repeat of last weekend and the emergency trip to the drug store would not be happening again.

John breathed heavily through his nose as he listened to and finally heard her words. "No." _Shit_.

"No?"

"I didn't….plan on this."

"Not in the car?"

"No. Dammit." He wanted to throttle himself. He really wanted to beat himself down repeatedly.

His face brightened as the obvious idea hit him. "I can run out and get something."

As the brakes were put on their sexual activities, Joss's heart rate began to slow and her breathing evened out. She rested her forehead and hands on his half-bare chest, embarrassment at her behavior slowly replacing her voracious appetite for him. She was being incredibly unfair. Agreeing with him one minute that they shouldn't try to be together, then trying to sleep with him again the next. She shook her head against him. "I'm sorry, John. I'm all over the place." She sighed heavily. "Why is this so hard?"

Like a switch had been flipped, his touch went from seducing to comforting as he wrapped his arms around her. "I think….maybe... we're just making it that way."

"With good reason don't you think? This is crazy….The risk…."

Of that he was hyper aware. But still…the way he wanted her…. "With great risk comes great reward." He could tell she was thinking, analyzing hard, as she remained quiet and still within his arms.

Finally, she said, "Maybe." Then she rose to the tips of her toes and brought his face down, kissing him softly before pulling back to look into his eyes.

He wanted to stay. To just hold her all night as she slept, but Taylor would be home from his late shift at the movie theater in under two hours, so he knew he couldn't. "Can you come over tomorrow? Let me cook you dinner?"

She grinned. "Hmm. It's been a long time since a man cooked for me."

"Oh, there are a lot of perks that come with this thing, I promise." He leaned down and kissed her some more, slowly and for a good long while.

Joss grew angry at her rejuvenated wetness and groaned miserably as she pulled away. "_Jooohn_." She drew out his name in her misery. If only she hadn't been living like a nun all these years and had been prepared for something like this. Or, hell, if only _he_ had been prepared. She loved that he'd only expected dinner with her tonight but this was some bullshit. "Go. Just go." She tried to step back but he wouldn't let her.

"You're killing me, Joss," he whispered huskily into her ear as he rubbed the side of his face against hers, and the way her name sounded on his lips almost did her in.

"I know," she commiserated.

"I can be back from the store in ten minutes." He was still whispering in that same knee-weakening tone. And she was being done in. "Ten minutes," he reiterated before kissing her cheek. "We have time."

She looked into his face and she could practically feel him inside her again. "Let yourself back in."

He was out the door in seconds, zipping, buttoning, and belt buckling on the way out.

* * *

John walked into her bedroom, closing the door behind himself. It had taken him eleven minutes. Her lights were on, which was good because he wanted to see all of her again. So was the television, volume low as it displayed some old black and white show. His earlier discarded suit jacket lay across her bedroom chair and the room smelled of whatever perfume had been spilled earlier.

Then there was her.

She sat on the edge of the bed, in a satin robe, bed linens already turned down. She eyed him expectantly and he was glad she didn't appear to have changed her mind.

"No problems?" Her eyes fell to the small plastic bag in his hands.

He shook his head and walked into the master bathroom.

Joss exhaled, listening to the faint sounds of rustling plastic, feeling exhilarated and excited as her desire for him reignited as soon as he'd stepped into the room. She wondered if it would always be this way or if she'd just been out of the sex game too long. It was probably the latter, but the former was possible, too, because John was definitely in a sexy league of his own.

She inhaled when he walked back out, stopping in front of her. He tossed a stack of condoms on the nightstand and she raised an eyebrow at him, partly because he must have stashed the box somewhere in her bathroom, but mostly because he'd brought so many out here with him.

He smirked and started unbuttoning his shirt. "I aim high."

"I need to be able to walk in the morning."

He got to the last button and undid his cuffs. "But you don't have to work."

"I have to parent."

He shrugged his shirt off. "What's under the robe, Joss?"

"Nothing."

"Open it." His slid his belt from the loops and dropped it to the floor.

"You don't trust me?"

"I've always trusted you. I just want to look at you." He slipped his shoes and socks off while watching her every move.

She fought the urge to not want to be on display and opened her robe, slipping her arms out and letting it fall from her shoulders onto the bed. It pooled around her hips.

"You're perfect." He stood there unmoving.

She ignored what he said but liked the blatant desire in his eyes. "Hurry up."

He ignored what she said but loved what she was showing him. "I wish I could take a picture."

"Not funny."

He smiled. "Too soon?" He started moving again and unbuttoned his pants.

She squirmed on top of her robe, really enjoying watching him get undressed.

His face and his voice suddenly lost all humor. "Don't move." His pants and underwear dropped to the floor and he stepped out of them. "I didn't get to taste you last time."

The robe she was sitting on was a mess now and her heart raced even faster as she swallowed the dryness in her mouth and tried to keep her legs from trembling before he even touched her.

Not wanting to waste any more of their limited time, John dropped to his knees and pulled her closer to the edge of the bed, parting her thighs. He used fingers, nose, lips, puffs of air, and tongue until she quivered, convulsed, then fell onto her back. Standing up while she struggled to recover, he opened a condom and rolled it on. Bending at his knees, he slid inside and gave her fifty strokes on the edge of the bed before he lifted her up, moved both of them further onto the bed, and gave her the rest of them until she came again and he followed.

One condom later, he flipped her onto her stomach and learned it was her favorite position by how quickly she came and brought him tumbling down with her. Two condoms later, she saved her rep by making him come so hard his eyes watered, his toes curled, and it took him longer than ten minutes to recover. Three condoms later they ended up in a heap on the floor, neither of them knowing exactly how they got there. And they only used the last condom because it was mocking them from her nightstand and they both hated leaving missions incomplete.

When they finally finished, Carter lay beneath Reese, chest rising and falling rapidly. She was probably going to regret all this in the morning, but it felt like heaven right now. Nevertheless, their time was up if she wanted him cleared out before her son got home. John, however, wasn't moving or saying anything as he hovered over her, breathing hard. She tried to look into his closed eyes when she noticed the grim expression on his face. "What's the matter?"

Finally, it looked as though he'd gathered his courage and looked into her big, brown eyes. "I'm sorry."

She tried to tamp down her rapidly increasing worry. "What's wrong?"

"It broke."

"What?" She heard him correctly but she still had to play dumb. Because he had to be fucking kidding.

He only watched her, still looking grim.

She looked down to where they were still joined and watched as he withdrew and climbed off her. John sat back on his haunches and they both looked at the latex he'd clearly busted right through. She fell back onto the mattress and groaned. "I cannot believe this." Not only did she completely sweat out her hair, not only was her sexually out of shape ass going to be sore as hell in the morning, she had to go to the pharmacy. Again. Take that damn pill. Again.

He felt a headache brewing and rubbed his left temple before he turned to look at the clock. Five minutes 'til midnight. He had to go soon. He would go to the drugstore before he went home, though. He would fix this. "Is there a 24-hour pharmacy nearby?"

She sighed and looked at the ceiling. "I don't know. I'm sure there is."

"I can go. Bring it back after Taylor gets in." He started to climb off the bed to go to the bathroom.

"No, it's okay, John. Just go home. It's late."

He turned back to look at her.

"I'll go in the morning. I have some time. It's okay."

Still looking worried, John disappeared into her bathroom.

When he came back out, Joss was in a new robe, picking his clothes up from the floor and laying them on her rumpled bed. Quietly, she made her way to the bathroom while he quickly got dressed. She reemerged as he was shrugging his jacket back on, trying to let her agitation at the situation go. She could tell just by looking at him that John was feeling worse than she was and she didn't want him leaving that way.

She walked over until she was standing in front of him and reached up to place her hand on his cheek. "Hey. Am I still getting my dinner tomorrow?"

He looked at her closely, trying to determine how upset she really was. "If you still want it."

She nodded. "Definitely." She studied him, still feeling the tension within him. "Thank you for tonight. Dinner, tour, everything." She rubbed her thumb across his cheek. "I wouldn't change a thing." With that, she got a hint of a smile out of him. "I just won't be going back to that same drugstore tomorrow, I'll tell you that." She laughed and he broke out into a full smile and she felt relieved. She dropped her hand from his face.

"You're sure you're okay?"

"You're always getting me into trouble, John. This is not new." Even though she was only half joking, she gave him her best smile and pulled him by his bicep. "You need to go before you get me into even more."

John let her pull him out of her room and down the stairs. He knew accidents happened, but he still felt bad. At the front door, he turned to her. "Sleep in. I'll bring it to you before Taylor gets up."

She sighed and decided not to argue. He clearly needed to do this—something—for her. "Okay. Thanks." She shooed him away. "Now go. Go."

He opened the door, turned back, and stole a kiss. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight. Be careful."

She watched him drive away and took a deep breath before closing the door and going into the kitchen to grab some water and wait until her son got in safely.

_Later_

Even though she was expecting him, Carter still jumped when Reese opened her passenger side door and slipped inside. She still didn't know how the hell he did that stealth shit after all this time.

"Who are you watching?" He asked as he followed her line of sight.

"Waiting for someone to show, actually." She turned to him. "How's the shoulder?"

"Good as new."

He flexed it a bit for effect and she rolled her eyes. It was damn near torn off last night and he was acting like nothing had happened. His tolerance for pain was crazy high.

He turned to her. He didn't have that much time unfortunately. "You needed help?"

Joss looked out the windshield and silently handed him a file folder. He opened it and she noticed he didn't say anything for the longest minute.

"It didn't work."

She wouldn't look at him. "Nope."

He closed the file and stared out the windshield, taking in a deep breath.

Joss shook her head back and forth against her headrest. "Like I said, you are always getting me into trouble."

John winced. "I'm starting to think you're not wrong. This is….." He trailed off.

She nodded. "Yep." Her trip to the gynecologist that morning to get on some birth control had been too late.

"Joss?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

She could tell by the tone of his voice that he wanted a genuine answer. "I'm still in shock so I don't know. What about you?"

"Same."

He reached over and grabbed her hand and it was strange. Just like that, she felt better. Not okay, but better. She wasn't alone. "You think we can do this?"

"I know we can." He was grateful she'd given him an inkling as to what she was thinking about doing. He'd desperately wanted to know, but he didn't want to ask before she was ready. "I just didn't think we would…have to."

"Me neither." She sighed. "Well. I said I didn't want Taylor to be an only child, didn't I?"

John looked over at her and smiled. When she met his eyes and returned it, he wanted to make her laugh. "In that case, you're welcome."

She pulled her hand out of his, dropped her jaw, and popped him in the uninjured arm. "Get out of my car." She laughed.

John chuckled as he sat back in his seat, leaning his head against the headrest. He sobered and turned so that he could look into her eyes. He couldn't even begin to understand everything he was feeling at the moment. And he could only imagine what she must be feeling. But he knew he couldn't be more in love with her right now if he tried. He should tell her. Soon. "I have to go."

"I know. Thanks. I just needed to tell you." She shrugged. "Somehow, you always make me feel better. Just being there."

He smirked to conceal how much her words touched him. "I thought I always got you into trouble."

She grinned. "You're a complicated man."

"But no one understands me but my woman?"

She whispered, giving a perfect imitation of the song. "_John Reese._" They both laughed.

He leaned over into her space and kissed her softly. When he pulled back, he met her eyes. "Be careful. Both of you."

She swallowed. It was so surreal. All of this. All she could do was nod and watch as he disappeared as quickly as he appeared.

And, then, finally, she felt okay.

~End (I think)

**I've been meaning to thank all the guest reviewers who have left me notes over the years. They are some of the kindest ones and I wish I could respond to them individually. So thank you very, very, very much. :) :) :) **

**Thanks everyone for reading.**


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